Monday, June 25, 2012

Clearing Cobwebs

I once mentioned a conversation I had in Nice with my French class about happiness, but I left out the context.  The conversation went as follows:  Laurence, my professor, asked, "Sydnie, are you happy?" I responded, "I am always happy."  The class looked at me both quizzically and doubtfully, as if I had committed some fallacy.  Laurence then said something along the lines of that being impossible.  She went on to explain that there were just some things in life that she couldn't control that made her sad, and she imagined it to be the same for everyone.  If my French had been better, and I felt more confident getting myself in deeper water I would have explained to her my reasoning. 

Happiness (according to me) is more than just a state of emotion.  It's a lifestyle, a belief, and a choice.  Each of us has the capacity to be happy all of the time.  Happiness can continually exist in our lives if we work for it.  It may seem evasive at times because of it's abstractness, but just like material and concrete items in our life- sometimes emotions, like things get buried and covered up or may even seem lost.  But, does that mean that we don't posses those items anymore?  Of course not.  So times come in our lives when our happiness is overrun by other sentiments, but after the emotional cobwebs are cleared and all the dust is blown off, we can always rediscover our happiness. 

Have you ever, in retrospect, thought, "why did I even open my mouth?"  I have.  Aside from avoiding the quizzical and and doubtful scoffs from Laurence and my classmates, I wonder if I could have avoided some of the trials sent my way this month.  It almost seems like these last few weeks in particular have been Heavenly Fathers way of testing whether or not I really believe my own philosophy on happiness.  And I will admit, I have come close to second guessing myself.  

I pride myself on being resilient, being able to bounce back after what might appear to be the tragic downfall of the moment.  And, I have always thought that if I were a shoe I would be a rain-boot, because I am able to let things roll off of me, I am a believer that "nothing is a crisis," and I am often found thinking, "just roll with the punches."  However, somewhere between getting my lowest GPA ever, a breakup, my car's transmission going out, living out of boxes, and today being the five year anniversary of my brother's passing, the emotional cobwebs seem to be coming faster than I can clear them. 

Don't get me wrong, I have every confidence that I will make it through alive.  I have done hard things before, and I am ever so aware that there are people who are fighting even harder battles than myself.   So while the cobwebs and dust accumulate, I will be shopping for a super utility leaf blower to help me clear the sentimental gunk that is working on burying my happiness.  Life is hard, and occasionally all we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, making that effort to rediscover our happiness.  

I derive my happiness primarily from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and my interactions with other people.  I have been so blessed in both regards and know that no matter what, these two things will always be a constant in my life.  I have a testimony of the Gospel.   It is my rock and foundation and I cannot deny it.  And secondly, the people in my life, whether or not I interact with them from day to day, they have shaped who I am and continue to do so daily.  Between Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, church leaders, my family and my friends I am and will always be happy. 

D&C 90:24 
"Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good."

Sydnie Juniper 

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