Deadlines. Appointments. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Waiting. When. Wishing. Clocks. Due Dates. Calendars. Sunrise. Sunset. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday. Next Year.
What are we really measuring though?
A to-do list? Love? Learning? Friendship? Achievements? Making a difference?
You know something? Time is a strange concept.
I think I've been caught up too much in the concept of tomorrow. And, as a wise traveling salesman once said, "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays."
I originally began this post thinking about how great heaven will be. Thinking about how God's time is so different from how we define it on earth. Then I realized that I shouldn't be longing for that right now, because I only get this earthly experience once. Am I going to waste it longing for something else, or am I going to utilize it to gain knowledge for the next life? Lately I think I've been more focused on the first.
I have to chastise myself for that, even though sometimes I wish someone else would do it for me. All too often people perceive me as having it all together. I get a lot of people that come to me seeking advice, or just to confide in me. I don't know why (although I am honored they trust me). I don't feel like I have a lot to contribute to their situations. Those people who think I'm composed, they have got it all wrong. I have never felt so scattered and frazzled in my life. So pulled in different directions. And for as many times as I try to pull myself back together, I feel like there is a giant magnet pulling it all apart. Could it be that Satan is working extra hard on me this semester? Because that's what it feels like. Apathy. it's been on his front line of battle with me and it's time for me to call in the reserves and wipe it out. Deep down I seriously care about school and succeeding. However, I'm afraid that it might be a little too late to salvage my grades this semester. I'll do my best, but I'm going to just have to accept the consequences and just keep moving forward, because backwards is just not an option.
At least amid all of my uncertainty and instability there is one thing that remains constant. I have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I know that God speaks to His children in these latter-days. I know that with the faith to pray, Heavenly Father will answer my prayers. He answered a humble 14 year old boys plea for truth, and I know that he is just as aware of plights in our everyday life to do the same for us.
I am as strong as my testimony, and I will pull through.