Thursday, August 11, 2011


The following are real life events that have occurred within the past week

I went home last Friday and stayed away until yesterday morning.  
On Saturday I went to the eye doctor for the first time in six years.  Yep.  My eyes have gotten worse.  Dr. McKell informed me that my "good eye" actually isn't that good, and my "bad eye" is still awful.  Had he not been so attractive and single I would have felt a little more anxiety at paying for the contacts he had prescribed me.  At only 8 years older than me, maybe I stand a chance.  After all Jane Austen heroines have been known to marry men more than 15 years older than them. 
Also this weekend, my roommate, Melissa, asked me to feed her fish while she was gone.  But then I left... I came back and Lester, that's the fishes name, wasn't on the counter anymore.  I was petrified I had starved it to death, perhaps it could have died of neglect.  But, no worries... I snooped in her room and found him on her dresser.  
Here's a picture of him, happy as can be.  
Another groundbreaking event that ought to be documented.  Yesterday I needed to buy milk, but I didn't want to buy a whole gallon because I'm moving on Monday and I won't drink it all in time.  So...  I bought the half gallon and as I walked out with my groceries I realized my milk was screaming, 
Why do I feel that way?  Let me explain.  Let's think about it.  Really, only women who have nobody to help them drink their milk, and don't even drink milk... except with late night oreos while living vicariously through yet another romantic comedy, only they buy half gallons. 
Next thing I know, I'll be collecting porcelain cats like my 
 friend Sam, who "is slowly becoming the crazy cat lady down the street, except he is a boy."
But, you know what?  I'm okay with all of that, and the world could probably use a few more porcelain cat collectors, am I right?
Next, I've done a very monumental thing.
  I've had these shoes since the 10th grade.  They've been a faithful companion for 5 years, they've done me proud and got me through several dances, long days at school, walks in dreary winter weather, and vacations all across the country.
Considering I can feel the pavement under my feet when I walk, yesterday I decided it was time to retire them... 
A moment of silence, please. 
 Thank you.  
In other news, today has been a long day.  When I got home from work today I contemplated beginning to pack for the move on Monday.  Just thinking about it made me even more exhausted.  So, I decided to go for a bike ride to the grocery store to buy garbage bags so I could "pack" my clothes.  Once back from Smith's, I gave into the temptation of a nap.  It was about 6:30 PM and I hit the sack.  Approximately two hours later I woke up in a panic, as I checked my clock, it said 8:19 and I lunged from bed running into the kitchen shouting at my roommates, 
I was positive I had slept through the night and it was 8:19 AM.  
Jokes on me.  I felt a little foolish when I realized it was still Thursday night.
Am I experiencing a bit of subconcious anxiety about work and PA's right now?  
So it would seem.   
But I'm okay now.  Nothing a little Barry Manilow can't take care of. 
God Bless Us, Everyone.  

Sydnie Juniper


  1. i am weeping out of pure joy. this is amazing.

  2. HAHAH!!! Syd, this post in and of itself, made me miss you terribly. You are hilarious and I think you are superb! :) I just adore you! And I'm sorry those shoes had to be retired...I hate things like that.